It's not all bad.

I know that some of these don't always apply – we've all met that jerk that doesn't care if you're pregnant and won't hold the door for you even if you're hauling a bag of hammers up three flights of stairs – but generally speaking, there are a few perks to being knocked up. I have been complaining about how awful it is lately {and believe me- first trimester, awful}, but it is also lovely at times, so I thought I would give the ol' pregnancy a fair shake, and say some nice things about it. At least to get some good karma for the third trimester that is right around the corner.

"I don't feel up to it" is a valid excuse to get out of almost anything. Don't feel like going to your co-workers karaoke debut, seeing a documentary about the social habits of chinchillas, or volunteering at your work to organize the fun fair? "I'm just not feeling up to it" when you're pregnant is up there with "I have diarrhea" when you're not because nobody want to venture into the details.

People want you to sit down all the time and offer their seats. Sure this one can get annoying (especially around older people who seem to think being upright is a detriment to you and your unborn child), but how awesome is it to go to the family picnic and not have to scan for an open lawn chair. "Sorry Aunt Mary, go rest your shiny new hip somewhere else, I have to eat cake."

People offer to carry stuff for you. With groceries, bags of dirt, and 50lb bags of rotini from Costco, someone will often step up and ask if you want help. Again, some people will insist they help you with that treacherous bag of cotton balls, but that's a small price to pay for getting a giant pallet of water bottles lifted into your car. Just be sure your trunk is not full of embarrassing crap like empty bags of McDonald's, Sour Patch Kids, and Cheez-It boxes with a roll of random toilet paper from when your nose was inexplicably running for no reason.

You are expected to eat a lot. I especially love old, European Ladies in this area. They just keep handing you pasta, pastries, and pierogies and say, "eat, eat, yu nid to eat". They are also the same women that told you not to be too smart or no good man will want to marry you, but they are awesome cooks so you let it slide.

You can blame crying on the pregnancy. Phone commercial? Episode of Grey's? Preview for Kung Fu Panda 14? Feel free to burst into uncontrollable crying if you are so inclined because people expect this kind of outbursts from you. Plus, I feel it's important you let this kind of emotion out so it doesn't turn into gas.

You can blame forgetfulness on the pregnancy. There have been many studies that have discounted pregnancy brain {and I also believe it's hooey, but take advantage, not everyone has read the article}. People find this annoying trait quite endearing when you're pregnant so skip a few meetings and birthdays while you're gestating to take advantage of this loop hole.  

You can blame violence on the pregnancy. Some women feel all soft and nesty through their pregnancies and some women want to jump on the hood of the car that cut them off, and plunge their fists through the windshield like the Terminator. I tried to find any pregnancy hormone legal defence but all I found was the PMS defense where a woman got off the hook for killing her boyfriend. So I'm sure you could mount a good case with "the rage" as a defense if you take out the girl who ate the last cookie at the weekly teacher meetings. Perhaps seek legal council before proceeding with this one though.

People are friendlier. Perhaps being pregnant signifies to some people that you were deemed nurturing and nice enough to be impregnated because strangers will find you more approachable and will therefore be friendlier to you. This also lays a nice foundation for crying, forgetfulness, and batshit crazy rage because people assume that at you are good at your core so they'll let a lot of stuff go.

You don't have to suck it in. Ah, stretchy pants. Mmmmm, tacos. Go for it honey because no one is going to notice or care that you added to the bulge. Hopefully some old European women are helping you with this endeavour.

People smile at you. Strangers love pregnant woman and silent newborns but they hate kids. Sorry, it's a fact so you should take advantage of all the people that smile at you in the aisles of Target while you're shopping for mammoth mamma panties because they'll be that same people that give you the hairy eyeball when you're three-year old launches into a Linda Blair froth when you won't buy him Skittles.

22 weeks.

How far along? 22 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: holding steady at 8 pounds...
Maternity clothes? Bought some pants from ROSS and Lil' Traders. I refuse to buy expensive maternity clothes, I think it is silly. They won't even last me 3 months! I think my husband is secretly happy, although he tells me to go get nicer things. 
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Sleeping great, practicing without earplugs so I don't need them when the baby is here. 
Best moment this week: Making tons of progress on the nursery... it is making everything seem more and more real!!
Miss Anything? Not really... I suppose having a cocktail every now and then, but I was never a big drinker. Also, buying really cute summer clothes and having my runner's legs to wear them!
Movement: Baby moves all the time, every day. I had a good kick to the spine the other day- weird!!
Food cravings: sweets of all sorts... but that isn't much different from not being pregnant. 
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope! Seafood doesn't sound appealing, and neither do homemade salads, but it doesn't make me sick.
Have you started to show yet: see picture above
Gender: Surprise!
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In... getting flatter and flatter!
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy as can be, although I am not one of those women who 'loves' pregnancy. I do love, however, complaining about it with my friend Ann!
Looking forward to: Seeing the baby on the big screen tomorrow!!! Last time we saw it, it was just a gummy bear. I cannot wait to see what it really looks like!!!!

My husband, the Daddy.

After a recent plumbing disaster in our home, I really got to see what a level head and forgiving heart my sweet husband has. If he can handle that crisis without 'hulking' out, I know he will handle whatever our child throws his way with the same grace and understanding. This got me thinking about the kind of Daddy he will be, and these are a few qualities I know he will have as a Father, and I couldn't be more proud:

•Someone who will man up to a baby's level 10 poo explosion (anything that exceeds an 8 has gone above the neckline) and won't passed it off to Mom (me).

• Someone who'll read you Goodnight Moon 7 billion times just because you like it even though there is no plausible explanation why anyone would find that book appealing.

• Someone who will push you on the swing just a wee bit higher than anyone else.

• Someone that will teach you to drive without yelling at you (too much).

• Someone that teaches you that anyone that is rude to receptionists, waiters, or gas station attendants just because they think they are beneath them, is a dick and not worth knowing. Amen. 

• Someone who let's you eat most of his pizza while you both watch Star Wars.

• Someone that knows what time you go to bed, where you go to school, and if you're allergic to anything at any given time in your life.

• Someone who says, "You're not wearing that, are you?", "Not while you're living under my roof.", and "Smarten up" at least once, as they are a right of passage for any father that is paying attention.

• Someone who can make at least one edible meal without picking up the phone.

• Someone who doesn't refer to it as babysitting when Mom is out.

• Someone who never says, "Be a man and stop crying" or "You'd be prettier if you lost some weight."

• Someone who helps you learn a sport that includes a bat or stick despite the fact he'll likely get hit in the balls a few times.

• Someone who will clean your barf off the hall carpet because you ate too many cherry Icees at the amusement park.

• Someone that won't say, "I told you so." too many times; even though he did.

• Someone that loves you no matter what your religion, sexual orientation, or job is.

• Someone that doesn't leave you in the car while he drinks in a bar; or bring you into a bar while he drinks, unless you are of drinking age yourself.

• Someone that will walk around with his baby strapped to him in a carrier because it's the only way the baby will sleep right now.

• Someone that is safe to call to come pick you up no matter where you are because you got in over your head.

• Someone that will cry at your wedding, cheer at your game, and laugh at your joke.

• Someone you're proud to say, "That's my Dad.", even if he shows his plumber crack every single time he bends over, no matter what.

I love you husband, and I am excited for each and every adventure our future holds. 

{Did I mention he's a gentleman? Carrying our neighbors' little daughter for her Mommy}

Romance for Pregnant Chicks.

Amen boys. Amen. 

Enemies of a Pregnant Woman.

I have encountered ALL of these in my 5 short months as a pregnant woman. You know who you are:

The Stephen King Storyteller. Gather round kids, it's birth Story Time. Want to hear about a horrible episiotomy? No? Tough, you're pregnant so that means that it's compulsory for you to hearing about every disgusting birth detail from the woman in line at the bank. After all, it's important to know how your next door neighbor lost her mucus plug at a BBQ. (Gork)

The Lame Namer. It’s doubtful that you and your partner have put a lot of thought into choosing a name so it’s important these folks weigh in on this decision with a couple of names they thought of on the way into work. Plus, they hate the name you were thinking of because if reminds them of a girl in high school that had a funny birthmark on her chin. Just nod and say you'll consider KanDi with a heart over the "i" and leave it at that.

The XS XL Examiner. This is the person that will ask you if there's two in there or are you sure you aren't due tomorrow instead of three months. This is the same person that will point out how tiny you are if they feel this the case as well. "Where are you hiding it?" "It looks like you've swallowed a grape." It's hard to say if it's supposed to be funny or a compliment but they usually make you feel like you should either be shot and mounted over a fireplace or that something is wrong with your now creepy, peanut baby.

The Eliza Boo Little. Just you wait Henry Higgins! This person jumps in anytime you look like you're  just a little too happy about having a baby and says "Just you wait until the baby comes. You'll never sleep, eat, laugh, breathe, screw, or go to Europe again!". Clearly you don't realize how difficult it is to have a baby so it’s up to them to make sure you don’t get too excited. Babies are awful. Stupid babies.

Dr. Oz It really is amazing that you made it as far as you have considering how reckless you're being with your diet and daily routine. Normally  they wouldn’t care of course, but seeing as there’s a baby involved, they'd better get in there and smack that coffee out of your hand; or better yet, just give some dirty looks and shake their head. That will teach you. After all, they don’t want their tax dollars going towards your kid’s tail removal someday.

The Accidental Whorist. Such a charming question to ask someone if their pregnancy was an accident. It's important for these folks to let you know that they don't approve of your reproductive schedule and perhaps you should consult them next time. Clearly you are too, young, old, fertile, fat, funny or tall to have a baby at this juncture in your life and frankly they are surprised at your utter lack of judgement. These are the same people that say, "Didn't you see that?" when you stub your toe and who don't like pizza. They're just pointless.

The Sex Obessesed. Surely if you already have a girl, you're going to want a boy and vice versa. If you don't have any children they may assume you want a girl and your partner wants a boy because that's how it works. These are also the people that will swallow their tongues when you say you aren't finding out the sex. "Don't you want to know?!", "That would drive me crazy!" Perhaps it has, Asshat. Perhaps it already has.

The Egg Inquisitioner. This is the person that asks you if you've conceived naturally. It's classy because, if you've used fertility treatments you have to reveal a very personal, private part of your life and if you didn’t, then you also have to reveal a very personal, private part of your life. It's a delicious catch 22 and there is no tactful way to answer this so feel free to just fart and walk away.

The Surprised Blow Up Doll These are the folks that chime in around 37 weeks and say things like “Are you STILL pregnant.” and “Haven’t you had that baby yet?” and extra helpful “I guess it just doesn’t want to come out” – which is nice because it points out the delivery you are *clearly* putting off and it’s a little gross too.

The Silver Back Belly Toucher. Oh, you just knew if was coming. We all love the folks that just walk up and start molesting your stomach. It's especially nice when you're brother-in-law's Dad that smells like cheese does it and makes a “MMmmmm” noise at the same time.

This is my personal rule of thumb with this one: if you would be comfortable with them touching your thigh when not pregnant, then they would probably be okay to touch your belly....with permission.....and a hazmat suit......holding chocolate. You know, like when your girlfriend taps your leg at the movie theatre and says, "Oh my God, I forgot to tell you that I slept with David Beckham!" – I feel she would be okay to touch your belly.

Most of you are going to totally get this list yet there are always a few people that think they just can't win when it comes to pregnant woman. I would argue that pregnant gals have to deal with things like heartburn, nausea, hemorrhoids and learning what perineum is and none of us should have to know about that, so no. No, you can't win. Sorry. I hate to be the one to break it to you but it's best you know [insert thigh pat here.]

As for what we all should say to a pregnant woman, I love this comment that was left on a blog:

"I could see this guy eyeballing me in the elevator despite my best efforts to focus on the numbers. Right before he got off the elevator. He paused, looked at me and said, 'I bet you will have a beautiful baby.'"

I like to think he looked like David Beckham.

21 weeks.

How far along? 21 Weeks
Total weight gain: holding steady at 8 pounds
Maternity clothes? I have only worn two maternity sundresses, but I did break down yesterday and buy some after my boss told me I looked uncomfortable and to buck up and get some new clothes.
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Sleeping great; last night was the first time with the boppy body pillow my friend Jill gave me, and I don't think I moved all night!
Best moment this week: Rick feeling the baby kick.... it was so awesome!
Miss Anything? buying cute clothes/bikinis/skirts for summer.
Movement: baby moves all day long & I love it so much!! Everyone was right when they said it is the best part of pregnancy.
Food cravings: still loving sweets and carbs. I ate nonstop over Father's Day weekend, and I can't believe I didn't gain 5 pounds.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nada
Have you started to show yet: Yes... I think I am at the point where stretch marks are made. Everything feels so tight, like your skin after a sunburn. Yuck.
Gender: Surprise!
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In for now..but it is starting to look flatter and flatter every day.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: one happy camper.
Looking forward to: Our BIG sonogram next week- we will get to see a great view of the little baby!! And making more and more progress on the nursery. Friends giving me baby stuff is making me more and more excited!!!

Handy Dandy.

It seems like years, but months ago, my sweet husband and his Dad, Tony, started a project in the room off of our master. I was just a plain "sitting room" with carpet and 3 walls. Rick had an idea to raise the floor, put in steps and wood flooring, make built in shelves with crown molding, a window seat, and a bench with storage. Recently, he finished the room and I couldn't be more pleased with what he was able to build with his bare hands. Now to the fun part, my part: decorating it! We are having cushions made for the benches and it needs books on the shelves, pictures on the walls...

My handy husband is able to do so much around the house: fix broken dryers, leaky faucets, busted garbage disposals, and even change my brakes. Our little family is so lucky, and he has learned so much from Tony, we are both grateful to him. Next project, the backyard oasis... cannot wait.